Contract Critique Enthusiast Gifts

"We can strike the clause that allows us to take your firstborn male child if you miss a payment. It's really just in there because people expect it to be."

'I'm a GP how difficult can it be?'

"Sign our updated non-compete agreement. It now includes nasty comments on social media."

"I like your thinking Steve. Hiding the contract loopholes under the staples is brilliant."

'I have enough confidence in our project to put our money where our lawyer's mouth is.'

"A handshake is as good as a thirty-page contract, eh, Mr. Harrison?"

"You misread the terms of your employment. Your probation period is 6 years, not 6 months."

"Perfect! Since our company's motto is 'transparency,' make the contract's fine print light gray against white."

'Of course you're overworked and underpaid! Didn't you read the fine print in your employee's contract?'

'So, what are the terms of use?'

'Hang on!...You don't expect me to swallow that as well!'

"And despite recent insinuations, this loan contract being signed by my client is perfectly legitimate."

'Of course you're overworked and underpaid! Didn't you read the fine print in your employee's contract?'

Suggestions/Terms and Conditions

Boss talking to lawyer, 'These new Terms and Conditions you've drafted for us are extremely long and overly complex - our customers are never going to be able to understand them. Well done Jones!'

"No this is your contract. The other one's your bill

'I reject the terms of the contract!'

"Your medical insurance doesn't cover 'Acts of God' like illness"

'And best of all - no hidden clauses!'

Lawyer to lady: 'Since I specialize in eye injuries, I've eliminated all the fine print.'

"You must be a computer geek, because I've never had anyone ask me to accept their 'Terms of Use' before a date."

'Doctor, you're on the edge of violating your non-compete.'

"No, no. The contract I signed was of the non-binding kind."

"Of course under the new contract 24 hour cover will be optional, you could also opt to do 36 or 48 hours a day!"

"OK, let's go to contract."

"Excuse me, One has not actually signed the agreement yet!"

'Can I interest you in insuring against your insurance not paying out?'

"This franchise deal looks great! But I can't see the fine print."

'According to this pre-nup, if I marry you I have to wait 24 months to upgrade.'

'I don't care how much you interfaced, interacted, coordinated, arranged, or organized in the past. Just tell me how many prenups you've worked on.'

A. Einstein. E = MC2. Yes, I do space-time research, but that doesn't mean I know how to get you out of your timeshare contract.

'We agreed that your contract was too complicated so we redrafted it to cover your new responsibilities.'

'The contract is very clear. You're free to go once the project's completed.'

"Just sign here - yes, in blood."

'It is a standard contract - sign at the bottom. The first clause forbids you to read any of the others!'