Contract Critique Captain Gifts

'We agreed that your contract was too complicated so we redrafted it to cover your new responsibilities.'

"You're quitting? You're walking out?? Couldn't you have at least waited until I finished outsourcing the company??!"

I've given you 110 for ten years, like you asked. Now I'm taking that year off that I've earned!

"No annual raises, but I will 'like' all your hard work on Facebook."

"I may need you to take the fall for the Swanson mess. So, goeth with pride."

Finally! There comes my most important man!

The president of a company see a sign: While you were out we hit the lottery!

"I like your thinking Steve. Hiding the contract loopholes under the staples is brilliant."

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

'Let's get with it, Miss Ogden -- Spread some papers around on my desk!'

"Sign our updated non-compete agreement. It now includes nasty comments on social media."

"I can't help but think that coming here is a total waste of time"

'If congress regulates obscene bonuses, isn't that a violation of the first amendment?'

ABC Vice Company: Employees Must Squash Hands Before Returning to Work

'If a job's worth doing, it's worth off-shooting.'

'Of course you're overworked and underpaid! Didn't you read the fine print in your employee's contract?'

"It was just a little setback - but the boss had away of making seem much larger."

Organizational Flow Chart: Puppets

Federal Department of Gimme, Gimme, Gimme!

'Or we can ask the government for a bailout.'

"Perfect! Since our company's motto is 'transparency,' make the contract's fine print light gray against white."

"You misread the terms of your employment. Your probation period is 6 years, not 6 months."

"I'm Action Plan Man. Good luck finding someone to impliment it."

'I'm looking for a workaholic who feels the great job he does is compensation enough.'

'What can we do to reduce our spending?'

Corporate policy is that this company is now paperless. Please use hand.

'Of course you're overworked and underpaid! Didn't you read the fine print in your employee's contract?'

'There's a strong minimalist influence in this artist's work.' 'Good! The less there is of it, the better.'

"And despite recent insinuations, this loan contract being signed by my client is perfectly legitimate."

"In this company, GDP stands for gree, deception and profit."

'Apparently many companies experience problems including: a lack of direction, poor accountability, lack of respect among members, pushing personal agendas, poor communication ...'