Contract Critique Enthusiast Prints

"We can strike the clause that allows us to take your firstborn male child if you miss a payment. It's really just in there because people expect it to be."

'I'm a GP how difficult can it be?'

"Sign our updated non-compete agreement. It now includes nasty comments on social media."

"I like your thinking Steve. Hiding the contract loopholes under the staples is brilliant."

'I have enough confidence in our project to put our money where our lawyer's mouth is.'

"A handshake is as good as a thirty-page contract, eh, Mr. Harrison?"

'Of course you're overworked and underpaid! Didn't you read the fine print in your employee's contract?'

"You misread the terms of your employment. Your probation period is 6 years, not 6 months."

"Perfect! Since our company's motto is 'transparency,' make the contract's fine print light gray against white."

'So, what are the terms of use?'

"And despite recent insinuations, this loan contract being signed by my client is perfectly legitimate."

Suggestions/Terms and Conditions

'Of course you're overworked and underpaid! Didn't you read the fine print in your employee's contract?'

Boss talking to lawyer, 'These new Terms and Conditions you've drafted for us are extremely long and overly complex - our customers are never going to be able to understand them. Well done Jones!'

"No this is your contract. The other one's your bill

'I reject the terms of the contract!'

"Your medical insurance doesn't cover 'Acts of God' like illness"

'And best of all - no hidden clauses!'

Lawyer to lady: 'Since I specialize in eye injuries, I've eliminated all the fine print.'

"You must be a computer geek, because I've never had anyone ask me to accept their 'Terms of Use' before a date."

'Doctor, you're on the edge of violating your non-compete.'

"No, no. The contract I signed was of the non-binding kind."

"OK, let's go to contract."

"Of course under the new contract 24 hour cover will be optional, you could also opt to do 36 or 48 hours a day!"

"Excuse me, One has not actually signed the agreement yet!"

"This franchise deal looks great! But I can't see the fine print."

'I don't care how much you interfaced, interacted, coordinated, arranged, or organized in the past. Just tell me how many prenups you've worked on.'

'According to this pre-nup, if I marry you I have to wait 24 months to upgrade.'

'Can I interest you in insuring against your insurance not paying out?'

'We agreed that your contract was too complicated so we redrafted it to cover your new responsibilities.'

'The contract is very clear. You're free to go once the project's completed.'

'It is a standard contract - sign at the bottom. The first clause forbids you to read any of the others!'

'Hi. I'm Tiffany and I'll be your waitress tonight -- this agreement may be terminated by either party at any time.'

'It's a good contract legally, but your jargon's weak.'

'OK, I'm back. Here's a notarized hard copy of my offer granting you three wishes, all ready for your lawyer to review. And I don't mind telling you, pal, it's jerks like you who are RUINING this job!'