Contractual Commentator Pillows

'Of course being on short term contract, I don't enjoy the same benefits as the rest of you.'

'The recession is over, again.'

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

"Shankar, I needed someone to dot the 'I's' and cross the 'T's' but that was before there was ChatGPT."

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

"Miss Jones, bring me into the 21st century..."

'If your boss is so dumb, daddy, why did he hire you?'

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"I liked it better when you used gobbledygook."

'Well, maybe upteen zillion was too general a cost estimate.'

"So I'm like, doesn't anyone speak proper English any more?"

"I like your thinking Steve. Hiding the contract loopholes under the staples is brilliant."

'I wouldn't worry about the retirement plan. You'd have to be out of your mind to work here that long.'

"Sign our updated non-compete agreement. It now includes nasty comments on social media."

'There's no use complaining, clause 34 section 67 of your contract says '...and any other duties as outlined by your manager'.'

We agreed that your contract was too complicated so we redrafted it to cover your new responsibilities...

'Never roll your eyes while the boss is talking.'

'As we all know, the appearance of honesty is the best policy....'

"Your transfer comes with a bonus - 40 acres and a mule."

"Perfect! Since our company's motto is 'transparency,' make the contract's fine print light gray against white."

"You misread the terms of your employment. Your probation period is 6 years, not 6 months."

'Of course you're overworked and underpaid! Didn't you read the fine print in your employee's contract?'

Suggestion Box.

"The way I see it, the Constitution cuts both ways. The First Amendment gives you the right to say what you want, but the Second Amendment gives me the right to shoot you for it."

There are better responses to 'change' than running around the office screaming 'We're doomed!'

"But is it art?"

'I'd rather be high up on the Totem Pole than high up on a pedestal.'

"And despite recent insinuations, this loan contract being signed by my client is perfectly legitimate."

"Bit if I'm here...how can I also be up close and personal to my managers?"

"Your NDA prohibits you from talking about my tendency to bark."

'Money isn't everything...but it should be.'