Modern Romance Analyst Gifts

"I love it when you quote my blog back to me."

"If you think you've earned this by consistently retweeting my tweets -- you're right."

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

Online Dating

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

"I'll give you my unconditional love - on one condition."

'First date with a logician - These venn Diagrams will save us a lot of time. We'll see where you fit in, where I fit in, and if any of it overlaps'

Deconstructionist girlfriend

'My outer self loves your inner self, but my inner self can't stand your outer self.'

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

Lover's leap and Infatuation leap.

"Surely two people as intelligent as we are can work out some method of falling in love."

'Love is a subconscious recognition of matching neuroses.'

Effective Catcalls

"I can't see it lasting!"

Ed's super-romantic but he's always a police detective. He calls our love 'consensual identity theft.'

"Only one Valentines card? Still could have been a lot worse!"

"So - we meet at last."

"But it's supposed to be recreational sex, not guilt sex."

Second dates are trickier. They ask the same questions as on the first date, looking for inconsistencies.

'Real Sex is consensual non-cyber + includes conversation.'

'Love? You're talking about LOVE?? Barry - you're here just because I'm too busy to keep a dog!'

"Where did you and mummy meet?"

Marriage Guidance - "Do you find that hating each other puts a strain on your relationship?"

"Are we maximizing our time together or minimizing our efforts?"

"Hitting me on the head with your club and dragging me by my hair back to the cave is not my idea of seduction."

"Sorry, but she says she's not interested. She just wants to play the field."

Condom Delivery

'Will you marry me, Miss?'

Young Accountants in Love: 'I didn't reach the same conclusion, Phil. In fact, my preliminary figures indicate we just can't go on meeting like this!'

Jung and in Love

'HOLD ON! You're telling me that out of the whole population, in an entire kingdom, this glass slipper fitted just ONE person?!'

'This Valentine's, Ted and I are just giving each other more space.'

A couple look at a graph on their bed

"Janet, we have to stop meeting like this. It has become a source of increasing friction in my marriage to Elizabeth."