Modern Romance Analyst Gifts

"I love it when you quote my blog back to me."

"If you think you've earned this by consistently retweeting my tweets -- you're right."

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

Online Dating

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

"I'll give you my unconditional love - on one condition."

'First date with a logician - These venn Diagrams will save us a lot of time. We'll see where you fit in, where I fit in, and if any of it overlaps'

Deconstructionist girlfriend

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

'My outer self loves your inner self, but my inner self can't stand your outer self.'

"Surely two people as intelligent as we are can work out some method of falling in love."

'Love is a subconscious recognition of matching neuroses.'

Effective Catcalls

"Only one Valentines card? Still could have been a lot worse!"

Ed's super-romantic but he's always a police detective. He calls our love 'consensual identity theft.'

"I can't see it lasting!"

"So - we meet at last."

'Real Sex is consensual non-cyber + includes conversation.'

"But it's supposed to be recreational sex, not guilt sex."

Second dates are trickier. They ask the same questions as on the first date, looking for inconsistencies.

Condom Delivery

Jung and in Love

'Will you marry me, Miss?'

"Are we maximizing our time together or minimizing our efforts?"

"Sorry, but she says she's not interested. She just wants to play the field."

'Love? You're talking about LOVE?? Barry - you're here just because I'm too busy to keep a dog!'

Young Accountants in Love: 'I didn't reach the same conclusion, Phil. In fact, my preliminary figures indicate we just can't go on meeting like this!'

"Hitting me on the head with your club and dragging me by my hair back to the cave is not my idea of seduction."

'HOLD ON! You're telling me that out of the whole population, in an entire kingdom, this glass slipper fitted just ONE person?!'

'This Valentine's, Ted and I are just giving each other more space.'

"Janet, we have to stop meeting like this. It has become a source of increasing friction in my marriage to Elizabeth."

'I undertand they met on line.'

"Baby it's cold outside..."