Contemporary Romance Critic Gifts

'This Valentine's, Ted and I are just giving each other more space.'

Dating an English Major

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

Online Dating

This action stuff is okay, but try a romance or comedy next time.

"Thanks, I knew I could count on you to turn my problem into something way worse that happened to you."

Wow. Worst Tunnel of Love ever.

"I love it when you quote my blog back to me."

"It's a miracle the miners could even find a diamond this small."

Evolution of love

Tunnel of what passes for love these days. Tickets.

"...as they may share in our joy.", "For we are all as one."

Effective Catcalls

"And he's caring and honest and gentle..." "I'd do her."

"A guy can fall in love with a smile, then make the mistake of marrying the whole girl."

'May the groom kiss the bride?'

"Speed daters! Say hi within the hour!"

"If you think you've earned this by consistently retweeting my tweets -- you're right."

"So - we meet at last."

"But it's supposed to be recreational sex, not guilt sex."

'Real Sex is consensual non-cyber + includes conversation.'

"Do you think she's just playing 'hard to get'?"

"What a nice old tree! Let’s carve a heart with our initials in it." "Oh, yes, how romantic! Wound an innocent life-form you know nothing about. God, I hate people."

'Will you marry me, Miss?'

'Love? You're talking about LOVE?? Barry - you're here just because I'm too busy to keep a dog!'

"Where did you and mummy meet?"

Relationship problems.

'It's full of all sorts of complex exclusions and 'get out' clauses.'

A man smoking a post-coital cigarette sees a woman leaving a note in a suggestions box.

"I'm not really a handsome prince. I just fancied a good snog."

"So, Rapunzel, I see you're still playing the field."

'I undertand they met on line.'

"Baby it's cold outside..."

"Janet, we have to stop meeting like this. It has become a source of increasing friction in my marriage to Elizabeth."

"I married you for your money, Leonard. Where is it?"