Life Analyst Gifts

"The number one reason for divorce is marriage."

"So, what inspired you to study engineering, get married, find a job, move to the suburbs, have a couple of kids, and grow old?"

Potholes on the highway of life have caused some premature wear and tear on your chasis.

If life was a swimming pool, everyone would be in the shallow end.

Street sign: 'Life gets even more complicated here to corner.'

'You were a boring accountant in ten previous lives.'

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

Crap from the future.

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

"Life: play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, first love, brief happiness, breakup, regret, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, play, work, play, w

'Stocks plummeted on news of your demise.'

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

"He really isn't bad, per se, but he is kind of a jerk."

Modern Life Blues

Life and Death

'Maximising shareholder value doesn't count.'

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

Postcards from Heaven...

'Have you ever noticed that as you get older, your thin things get thicker and your thick things get thicker?'

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

"If you can't take it with you, this must be Hell."

'You still can't take it with you, but we now offer cloud storage for intellectual properties.'

'My outer self loves your inner self, but my inner self can't stand your outer self.'

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

Lover's leap and Infatuation leap.

"I knew there was something wrong when he stopped reading the obituaries."

'We won't publish your book 'The Life of a mayfly: An Autobiography' because it's only a page long!'

I've always said ignorance is bliss, but what do I know?

"Very funny."

"Surely two people as intelligent as we are can work out some method of falling in love."