Everyday Life Analyst Gifts

"Thanks Mum, but I prefer to use twitter to enlarge the microcosms of daily life."

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"The dryer giveth and the dryer taketh away."

Crap from the future.

"You are still here."

Modern Life Blues

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

'It's been a rough day, my shirt button fell off, the handle of my brief case came off... I'm too scared to go to the bathroom!'

"Very funny."

Man looking at a vending machine with a hand sticking out of it and a sign that reads "Put'er there buddy".

Two ATMs sit side by side; one is labeled "Cash" while the other is labeled "Power".

How to injury yourself as an adult

Chair massages.

"It's thrilling to watch them come out in the morning, ready for the kill!"

Magicians make terrible roommates. 'Did you clean or just make everything disappear?' 'Where's my keys?!' 'You know I have an early class!'

'You were a boring accountant in ten previous lives.'

"He looks so natural."

Street sign: 'Life gets even more complicated here to corner.'

Proverbs for Real Life. When one door closes it's probably locked and your key is on the other side.

The Eternal Battle Over Who Is More Tired

"Luckily, our retirement funds are entirely in double lattes."

'Think how funny this would all be on a TV sitcom.'

"I don't know what's worse - my helicopter mom or her drone."

A family live separate lives in separate cubicles

'Motherly radar, we've know about. Now we suspect motherly in-home surveillance cameras.'

"What's it like to have sexually active parents?"

Vending machine offers tea and sympathy

'How many are just staying together for the kids? OK, that's good, very good.'

"We have very little need these days to employ a cudgel."

"Pop-up prison."

"I hope this isn't meant to be a criticism of our current life style."

"So, what inspired you to study engineering, get married, find a job, move to the suburbs, have a couple of kids, and grow old?"

'Hello, This is your inner life. Thank you for stopping by today.'

"See how quickly he solves problems? We need more like him."

"I, too, get the twisties."