Inner Life Analyst Gifts

'Hello, This is your inner life. Thank you for stopping by today.'

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

Crap from the future.

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

"It says here that humans are the only member of the animal kingdom who can have sex any time, any place."

'Stocks plummeted on news of your demise.'

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

'....and that's our CEO. He's trying to find a corporate direction.'

Modern Life Blues

"He really isn't bad, per se, but he is kind of a jerk."

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

'Maximising shareholder value doesn't count.'

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

Postcards from Heaven...

"If you can't take it with you, this must be Hell."

Lover's leap and Infatuation leap.

'My outer self loves your inner self, but my inner self can't stand your outer self.'

'You still can't take it with you, but we now offer cloud storage for intellectual properties.'

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

"I knew there was something wrong when he stopped reading the obituaries."

'We won't publish your book 'The Life of a mayfly: An Autobiography' because it's only a page long!'

"Very funny."

"Thanks Mum, but I prefer to use twitter to enlarge the microcosms of daily life."

"Surely two people as intelligent as we are can work out some method of falling in love."

"I hope your day is going bad."

"Honey, I'm home."

Man looking at a vending machine with a hand sticking out of it and a sign that reads "Put'er there buddy".

"I gave up on finding Mr. Right and settled for Mr. Chocolate!"

'Love is a subconscious recognition of matching neuroses.'

Damned if you do...

'Edward de Vere? -- give me a break!'