Inner Life Analyst Gifts

'Hello, This is your inner life. Thank you for stopping by today.'

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

Crap from the future.

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

"It says here that humans are the only member of the animal kingdom who can have sex any time, any place."

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

'Stocks plummeted on news of your demise.'

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

Modern Life Blues

'....and that's our CEO. He's trying to find a corporate direction.'

'Maximising shareholder value doesn't count.'

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

Postcards from Heaven...

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

'My outer self loves your inner self, but my inner self can't stand your outer self.'

"If you can't take it with you, this must be Hell."

"I knew there was something wrong when he stopped reading the obituaries."

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

'You still can't take it with you, but we now offer cloud storage for intellectual properties.'

"Very funny."

'We won't publish your book 'The Life of a mayfly: An Autobiography' because it's only a page long!'

"Surely two people as intelligent as we are can work out some method of falling in love."

"Thanks Mum, but I prefer to use twitter to enlarge the microcosms of daily life."

'Earth became too small. I had to opt for a bigger planet for hell.'

'Love is a subconscious recognition of matching neuroses.'

Man looking at a vending machine with a hand sticking out of it and a sign that reads "Put'er there buddy".

"I hope your day is going bad."

Two ATMs sit side by side; one is labeled "Cash" while the other is labeled "Power".

'Edward de Vere? -- give me a break!'

"Honey, I'm home."

Damned if you do...