Human Nature Analyst Gifts

"It says here that humans are the only member of the animal kingdom who can have sex any time, any place."

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

Crap from the future.

"No way. Lando, my friend. Lando." "There's no way Lando Calrissian was a better betrayer than Alex Krycek." "Ask any passerby on the street. 9 out of 10 of them won't even know who Alex Krycek is." "That's utter foolishness. Everyone knows Alex Krycek. He was basically the X-Files' anti-Mulder. He could out-weasel Billy D. Williams any day." "Stop!" "When men start arguing over which fictional character was a better betrayer, they have officially run out of things to talk about." "That Kr

"Where do you think we are in the food chain right now?"

'Stocks plummeted on news of your demise.'

Modern Life Blues

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

"He really isn't bad, per se, but he is kind of a jerk."

'Maximising shareholder value doesn't count.'

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

"It's a sequel to 'The Thinker'. It's 'The Blamer.'"

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

Postcards from Heaven...

'Look! Man has been here!' 'Yeah, it must have been a man because the seat was left up.'

'You still can't take it with you, but we now offer cloud storage for intellectual properties.'

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

"I knew there was something wrong when he stopped reading the obituaries."

"If you can't take it with you, this must be Hell."

"Very funny."

'Now don't forget what I told you - no touching!'

"I hope your day is going bad."

'Earth became too small. I had to opt for a bigger planet for hell.'

Damned if you do...

'Edward de Vere? -- give me a break!'

"Jones ... don't use that 'I'm only human' excuse with me again!"

Two ATMs sit side by side; one is labeled "Cash" while the other is labeled "Power".

Man looking at a vending machine with a hand sticking out of it and a sign that reads "Put'er there buddy".

If you were an iceberg...

"It's thrilling to watch them come out in the morning, ready for the kill!"

Jane Goodall patiently gains the trust of her subjects in an unpublicized research project.

'Hell grew too large for earth. I had to relocate it to a larger planet.'

Earth's energy

'So do I get the job or not?'