Human Behavior Analyst Gifts

What do men/women/humans want?

'I notice in your resume that you said, and I quote, 'I pay attention to details'.'

'So when did you first realize that you might be a scientist...?'

"Well, obviously, I'm not an expert on how humans behave during the day, but I too have noticed a lot of anti-social behaviour around these places called bars..."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

"But if you cure my hypochondria I won't have any hobbies."

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

"Want me to talk to the squirrel's mother, or would you prefer to handle it on your own?"

Hoodie Hang-out

"Why can't I get anything done unless I'm totally stressed out about it?" "Is it possible to be relaxed and still be productive?" "What is wrong with my brain?" "Why don't you work better?"

"It says here that humans are the only member of the animal kingdom who can have sex any time, any place."

"If you can’t beat ’em, roll around in their decaying carcass."

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

"My System 1 tells me she's articulate, capable, shrewd. My System 2 says BIMBO."

"I plan on keeping this off my resume!"

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

'We seem to have more luck getting people to accept cookies rather than broccoli when they visit websites.'

"He's so well behaved I'm really worried, doctor."

"I see a psychiatrist holding a Rorschach test."

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

'You show me how to pass that ridiculous company loyalty test, and I'll show you how to always land on your feet!'

'Now don't forget what I told you - no touching!'

Don't jump! Just think what it will do to your wife and kids not to mention your career as a motivational speaker!

Kids' energy levels

"You have a remarkable lack of curiosity about your co-workers."

"People are crazy."

Freudian vs Behavior therapist.

Illustration for 'Eleanor's Victory' by Miss Braddon, scene 2.

'Please Miss, I know why birds fly south in the winter. It's because it's too far to walk!'

Respect Zone: 'We respect yobs.'

"Why would I demean myself to be Master's best friend when I can be Master's master?"