Human Behavior Analysts Gifts

The Ekert Saga: 'Oh...I get it. Keep him away from people, right?...To stop him from gorging on a buffet of ego, malice and greed, right?'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

"But if you cure my hypochondria I won't have any hobbies."

"Want me to talk to the squirrel's mother, or would you prefer to handle it on your own?"

Hoodie Hang-out

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

"Welcome aboard. We will endeavor to treat you with dignity and respect. Now get you and your stupid face out of my office."

"If you can’t beat ’em, roll around in their decaying carcass."

"Why can't I get anything done unless I'm totally stressed out about it?" "Is it possible to be relaxed and still be productive?" "What is wrong with my brain?" "Why don't you work better?"

"It says here that humans are the only member of the animal kingdom who can have sex any time, any place."

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

"My System 1 tells me she's articulate, capable, shrewd. My System 2 says BIMBO."

"I plan on keeping this off my resume!"

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

'We seem to have more luck getting people to accept cookies rather than broccoli when they visit websites.'

'Look! Man has been here!' 'Yeah, it must have been a man because the seat was left up.'

"He's so well behaved I'm really worried, doctor."

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

"I see a psychiatrist holding a Rorschach test."

'You show me how to pass that ridiculous company loyalty test, and I'll show you how to always land on your feet!'

'Now don't forget what I told you - no touching!'

Kids' energy levels

"You have a remarkable lack of curiosity about your co-workers."

Don't jump! Just think what it will do to your wife and kids not to mention your career as a motivational speaker!

"People are crazy."

Freudian vs Behavior therapist.

'Why do I always pick the slow moving queue?'

Jane Goodall patiently gains the trust of her subjects in an unpublicized research project.

The Prisoner's Dilemma

"Why would I demean myself to be Master's best friend when I can be Master's master?"

There's just no excuse for your behavior, Al. I thought it was your job to find one, doctor.