Behavior Analysts Gifts

'Things were fine until the day that kid yelled 'Hey look at that ugly duck with the black mole over it's beak and the long neck!'...To think I spent all those years parading around, thinking I was a swan. I can't bear the embarrassment of it any longer.'

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

"Want me to talk to the squirrel's mother, or would you prefer to handle it on your own?"

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

Hoodie Hang-out

"If you can’t beat ’em, roll around in their decaying carcass."

"I see you mister mail carrier... that's it, just keep walking... don't even think abo—did you just look at my house?! Are you looking for trouble? Cujo ain't got #!@* on me."

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

"I plan on keeping this off my resume!"

"My System 1 tells me she's articulate, capable, shrewd. My System 2 says BIMBO."

"If you want to play fetch with the dog, throw your own @#&% arm."

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

'We seem to have more luck getting people to accept cookies rather than broccoli when they visit websites.'

'Look! Man has been here!' 'Yeah, it must have been a man because the seat was left up.'

I bark and bark and bark. . . Therefore I am.

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

"He's so well behaved I'm really worried, doctor."

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

"They took my pellets, man, I been hitting' that lever al day, they took my PELLETS!"

'You show me how to pass that ridiculous company loyalty test, and I'll show you how to always land on your feet!'

'Now don't forget what I told you - no touching!'

"That will be $109.85." "What! Sign says they’re $1.69 each." "Yes, and you have 65 of them."

"You have a remarkable lack of curiosity about your co-workers."

Kids' energy levels

"People are crazy."

Freudian vs Behavior therapist.

'Why do I always pick the slow moving queue?'

Jane Goodall patiently gains the trust of her subjects in an unpublicized research project.

"We assumed they were raised by wolves, but I'm beginning to believe they were raised by stray dogs."k Upload

"Why would I demean myself to be Master's best friend when I can be Master's master?"