Love Life Commentator Gifts

"Yes, it was good for me - not as good as it was the last time, but probably better than it's going to be the time after this."

'Someone who can appreciate how lucky she is.'

'I slipped into something less comfortable.'

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

'My wife is having an affair with a married man. . . it's me! . . . So I guess that makes it ok, huh?'

'Don't look. You'll burn your eyes out.'

"Check this out - I think the guy behind us just got lucky!"

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

"Siri, find me someone better."

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"Believe me when I tell you that I'm not that honest."

"It keeps it out of sight when we're not watching it."

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

"I told you not to touch it. I should've used your language and told you not to click on it."

"Show me a man who's optimistic about the human race..."

"This not the way I envisioned falling in love."

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

"It's a legal document authorizing you to carry out a Do Not Resuscitate order on my behalf, although heaven knows, you have a hard enough time cancelling a magazine subscription."

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

"The doctor wants you to point to where it hurts."

Man in traffic jam watches couple row while eating popcorn.

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

"No way! You're a telemarketer?! This is so great – hold on, I want to get comfortable ... how did you get my number?"

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

"Is there someone have called Frobisher?"

"I'm charging you with texting and driving."