Love Life Critic Gifts

'Your performance in bed?...On technical merit of artistic impression?'

'On the theory that opposites attract, do you have any beautiful, intelligent, rich girls?'

'This could be another chapter for my book on easy pickups.'

"I hate being considered the lesser of two evils."

Romance

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

Dating an English Major

"Nature speaks to me of God’s presence, yet God is a total stranger to the restless world of men." "Why the #!@* is there no signal?!"

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"It's no good - I just can't do this without a brief and a deadline."

"Believe me when I tell you that I'm not that honest."

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

'If we respect each other, contraception makes sense!'

Daily Routine

Early Man Late Man

"I like it, Julian — it speaks to what a waste of time and money your MFA was."

"It was meant to be a surprise romantic dinner for two, but to cut a long story short, it's been a recipe for disaster."

'Huh! You men are all alike!'

"When you said you like to experiment in the bedroom..."

"I've got something in what used to be a decrepit, run-down, unfashionable area."

'I can remember when paranoia was unusual.'

Heart To Heart

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

"Estoy aqui abajo!" ( I'm down here!)

"I loved your embarrassing personal essay in the 'Times.' "

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

"Embarrassing things that happen to you in the bedroom stay in the bedroom. . . and on facebook."

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

Tunnel of what passes for love these days. Tickets.

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

"We have box shapes for every commitment level."

"I gave up on finding Mr. Right and settled for Mr. Chocolate!"

Man calling Phone Privacy Centre