Love Life Critic T-Shirts

'Your performance in bed?...On technical merit of artistic impression?'

'On the theory that opposites attract, do you have any beautiful, intelligent, rich girls?'

'This could be another chapter for my book on easy pickups.'

"I hate being considered the lesser of two evils."

Romance

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

Dating an English Major

"Nature speaks to me of God’s presence, yet God is a total stranger to the restless world of men." "Why the #!@* is there no signal?!"

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"Believe me when I tell you that I'm not that honest."

'If we respect each other, contraception makes sense!'

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

Early Man Late Man

Daily Routine

"I like it, Julian — it speaks to what a waste of time and money your MFA was."

"It was meant to be a surprise romantic dinner for two, but to cut a long story short, it's been a recipe for disaster."

"When you said you like to experiment in the bedroom..."

"Estoy aqui abajo!" ( I'm down here!)

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

"I loved your embarrassing personal essay in the 'Times.' "

'I can remember when paranoia was unusual.'

"I've got something in what used to be a decrepit, run-down, unfashionable area."

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

Heart To Heart

Man calling Phone Privacy Centre

The Giant Guardsman Chapters IX and x.

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

"We have box shapes for every commitment level."

'The girls in the office said you were very energetic in bed - the lying bastards!'

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

"...as they may share in our joy.", "For we are all as one."