Longtime Love Commentator Gifts

"Can you hold a moment? I've asked you before not to donate my organs till after I'm dead."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

'Cartoonist thinking'

'Does this say 'transitional husband' to you?'

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

"But the good news is Trump has broken off diplomatic relations with them only on Twitter..."

Sports Radio in Crisis

Sir Patrick Moore.

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

Tree of Public Opinion.

Carl Shurz's attacks on President Grant are 'Played Out'

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

"This not the way I envisioned falling in love."

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

And now, for a rebuttal.

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"It's a legal document authorizing you to carry out a Do Not Resuscitate order on my behalf, although heaven knows, you have a hard enough time cancelling a magazine subscription."

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

'There's a NAGGING blog?'

'My outer self loves your inner self, but my inner self can't stand your outer self.'

Lover's leap and Infatuation leap.

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

Chess on TV

Man in traffic jam watches couple row while eating popcorn.

The United States of Amazement

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"