Married Life Navigators Gifts

'Well, if I'm not drunk, I just wasted 50 quid!'

"I've forgotten, are we social distancing, or have we had an argument?"

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

Adam and Eve: Reconcilable Differences

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

This is forever... till death do us part...

Everyone agrees: Aunt Juanita needs a man.

"Honey, this is serious, we need to text."

'Have you two taken the COSMO 'compatibility test'?'

"OK, now what?"

'Keep pumping Mildred.'

'Don't be so sensitive,I only dozed of for a moment.'

"Of course I love you, I'm just busy with other men."

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

'Do you take this annoying woman to be your lawful wedded wife?'

"Why do I feel like your mother is going to blame this on my cleaning?"

Baby At The Entrance Of The Maze Of Life

"Mommy is having another baby. Let me assure you that any paradigm shift will be incremental, core values remain family-centric, and Mommy is committed to assimilation and building synergy."

"Uh-oh. The so-called marriage penalty."

"Do you, Amanda and John, promise to watch yourselves, mind your Ps and Qs, and generally step on eggshells in this marriage, in order to somehow keep it up and running for as long as possible?"

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

"Thanks for that."

'I'm sorry but I need my own space.'

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

"No, Phil, I'm not grateful that we finally have some time alone."

My wife is the inspiration behind the light speed spaceship - the longer I'm married, the more I want to be the first human who lives on Mars.

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

Oh silly me, I'm trying to fix my glasses with nasal spray instead of super glue!

'Does it bother you that I use wadded tissues as pillows?'

Mrs. Almighty.

"It's not all your fault, some of it is my mother's!"

"This isn't working out - I'm an earthworm and you're a....are you even listening to me?"

'Everyone does divorces, Mrs.Dawson.'