Marriage Navigator Gifts

"Honey, wake up! I just remembered something you did that annoyed the hell out of me!"

"You have superior extra ocular muscle strength - how often do you roll your eyes at your husband?"

"Talk to me, Alice. I speak woman."

'He used to be my heart-throb, now he just gives me palpitations'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"This is one of those things you should share before marriage."

"He appears to have lost all of his resilience."

"O.K. That's my list. You got anything on your list?"

'My wife is trying to repurpose me from husband to alimony check.'

Lawyer with a client

"Sorry Matilda it's not been that sort of day."

"Would you like the benefit of the doubt or the certain reward of time-proven prejudice?"

'I don't know much about sports...I've always been married.'

'Our marriage is like a one-way street, and I'm behind him, honking my horn...'

'Everyone does divorces, Mrs.Dawson.'

'The heavyweight division is wide open.'

'It helps if you think of marriage as the moral equivalent of war.'

'The car has power steering... but the driver doesn't!'

"I can't stand to see you walk out on me. I'll call a taxi."

"I do too spark joy!"

"All I said was 'Honey'! She's my wife, for crying out loud!"

"Some people think the doggy shock collars are cruel, but it's totally changed how I communicate with my husband."

Marriage helper.

'Honey - it's official - I'm retired and will be home every single day!'

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

STRIP "Your husband looks really miserable" "He's not miserable, it's the weight of the shopping pullings his face muscles downwards"

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

"He's threatened to hop out on me."

Never marry a driving instructor.

'It's another special interest call senator - your wife!'

'When you get your physical, make sure you get a sanity checkup too.!'

My wife is the inspiration behind the light speed spaceship - the longer I'm married, the more I want to be the first human who lives on Mars.

Your Uncle Mort and Sadie are back from Canada. Are they still getting married? Yeah, but they're slowing things down. They're going to talk to someone about their problems. A counselor is always a good idea. They couldn't exactly afford a professional. He doesn't put the bathroom seat down.

Sadie, we need to see a couple's counselor. Yuck. No way! I won't spend a bunch of dough to have some halfwit tell me how to live my life! But I found an inexpensive counselor who will just listen to us talk through our issues. Counseling $10. This end up.