Marital Maze Navigator Gifts

'My husband is always complaining that I dress too provocatively.'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

Newlyweds. . . 10 Years Married. . . 25 Years Married. . . 50+ Years Married.

'The project is a little behind schedule. It was proactive, now it's retroactive.'

The Corporate Rat.

'Keep pumping Mildred.'

'Jones, somewhere out there, we've lost our common sense. I want you to go and bring it back.'

'I'd like to come home... if I could.'

'Sir, Ms. Selby is here for your 3:00 meeting.'

Ok, now the Swedish mouse is just showing off. IKEA maze.

"O.K. What part of 'malignant regression and pathogenic reintrojection as a defense against psychic decompensation' don't you understand?"

"I'm more interested in hearing about the eggs you're hiding from yourself."

'...And how long have you been having these hallucinations that you're seeing a psychiatrist?'

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

"We can't even agree what to argue about any more!"

My wife is the inspiration behind the light speed spaceship - the longer I'm married, the more I want to be the first human who lives on Mars.

'It's an S.E.C. approved GPS system...'

'I have rather a full schedule today. Could you summarize your grievances of the past 48 years?'

Psychological Testing Center.

A psychiatrist is at the end of the maze.

Cyber Fight

'Last week I got a lovely watch for my wife!'

"Can't find your office, doc?"

We should talk...

'We blow hot and cold. He argues it's too hot and I say it's too cold.'

'Everyone does divorces, Mrs.Dawson.'

Sadie, we need to see a couple's counselor. Yuck. No way! I won't spend a bunch of dough to have some halfwit tell me how to live my life! But I found an inexpensive counselor who will just listen to us talk through our issues. Counseling $10. This end up.

"You have superior extra ocular muscle strength - how often do you roll your eyes at your husband?"

"Honey, wake up! I just remembered something you did that annoyed the hell out of me!"

'You have a good chance of recovery, if you can make it through hospital admissions.'

"This is one of those things you should share before marriage."

Helicopter rescues mouse in maze.

'Disappointed? You ask if I'm disappointed? Well, Arthur, after 38 years of patiently peeling away one onion layer after another, I'll admit I HAD hoped there was something more that a tough, green sprout-thingie at your core!'

'Jeremy, why can't we talk instead of you bottling things up all the time?'