Married Life Navigator Gifts

'The spin-dryer's broken down, the tap needs a new washer - Good Dog! - The bathroom shelf wants fixing. . .'

"I know I'm wrong, but I'm sure you can make me more wrong."

"Do you need anything from Toledo, dear?"

"But the more Marge and I are together, the longer foreplay takes. It's now up to three hours of begging."

'Last week I got a lovely watch for my wife!'

Man climbing up a mounting for a wifely scolding.

'Come on George, take your tranquilizer and let's go shopping!'

Cyber Fight

"Wilbur! - I WISH you'd put the toilet seat down...!"

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"Your contents have shifted."

Adam and Eve: Reconcilable Differences

Everyone agrees: Aunt Juanita needs a man.

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

"OK, now what?"

'Keep pumping Mildred.'

Menopause and the City

"If we synchronize our tantrums, they'll have to stop talking. You in?"

"Of course I love you, I'm just busy with other men."

'None of the other things had instructions.'

'Don't be so sensitive,I only dozed of for a moment.'

"Fill'er up with testosterone."

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

"Mom, Suzy keeps coming closer than 6 feet to me."

My wife is the inspiration behind the light speed spaceship - the longer I'm married, the more I want to be the first human who lives on Mars.

Clair regretted having her husband sit in while her doctor described possible side effects of menopause.

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

"Everything started when I became a stay-at-home-mom of three little monsters."

'Does it bother you that I use wadded tissues as pillows?'

Mrs. Almighty.

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

Sadie, we need to see a couple's counselor. Yuck. No way! I won't spend a bunch of dough to have some halfwit tell me how to live my life! But I found an inexpensive counselor who will just listen to us talk through our issues. Counseling $10. This end up.