Marital Navigators Gifts

"Well, if I'm going to hell I'd better get my butt in gear."

'I have rather a full schedule today. Could you summarize your grievances of the past 48 years?'

"So what did you do before you were married?"

"We got along much better when our relationship was bicoastal."

"I tell you, I just can't win! First she says to always be honest. . . then she asks if that dress makes her look fat!"

In the Guru District

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

Couples' therapy

'Great Therapy!'

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"She wanted to go to the beach. I wanted to golf."

Newlyweds. . . 10 Years Married. . . 25 Years Married. . . 50+ Years Married.

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

"The whole time we were dating, he kept saying, 'You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!"

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

"Of course I won't forget to tell you when quarantine's over!"

"There's something I have to tell you."

Yeah, you're right. She's playing hard-to-get.

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

"Want to deal with some unresolved issues or just get another movie."

This is forever... till death do us part...

"If I ever start turning into my father do me a favor and don't turn into my mother."

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"When we first started seeing each other, we would always use the same word for snow."

"Do we go out or do we stay home and open a can of worms?"