Marital Navigators Mugs

"Well, if I'm going to hell I'd better get my butt in gear."

'I have rather a full schedule today. Could you summarize your grievances of the past 48 years?'

"So what did you do before you were married?"

"We got along much better when our relationship was bicoastal."

"I tell you, I just can't win! First she says to always be honest. . . then she asks if that dress makes her look fat!"

In the Guru District

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

Couples' therapy

'Great Therapy!'

Newlyweds. . . 10 Years Married. . . 25 Years Married. . . 50+ Years Married.

"She wanted to go to the beach. I wanted to golf."

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

"Of course I won't forget to tell you when quarantine's over!"

"There's something I have to tell you."

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

"When we first started seeing each other, we would always use the same word for snow."

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

This is forever... till death do us part...

"Want to deal with some unresolved issues or just get another movie."

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"If I ever start turning into my father do me a favor and don't turn into my mother."

"Do we go out or do we stay home and open a can of worms?"

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

Okay, I'll admit I was wrong. But I won't say what I was wrong about.

"Honey, this is serious, we need to text."

Can we talk about our attorney-client relationship?