Nuptial Navigator Gifts

"Hello, Linda — long time, no see."

Is it true that a maitre d' has the authority to marry people, just like the captain of a ship? ? ?

'Is it mine yet?'

'And now if you'd care to move over to the font...'

The wedding.

"No, it's not meant to mean the same as community service."

"Thanks but, 'you'll do' isn't a ringing endorsement of officiating your wedding."

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

'The dripping keeps me awake!'

This is forever... till death do us part...

'How many fingers do you see?'

"Why, Mr. Larsen! We were about ready to give up on you."

'Have you two taken the COSMO 'compatibility test'?'

"OK, now what?"

'Keep pumping Mildred.'

'You can go home today, but we'd like to run a few more tests on your husband.'

"I'm just so relieved! I thought you didn't love me anymore, but now I realize I was just projecting!!"

Birthing Ball

"He says he loves me, but he still uses his first wife's birthday as his password."

'He's not so much a rough diamond, more a dumb block of carbon.'

Mine Shaft of Love.

"There's got to be an easier way to lie around the house."

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

My wife is the inspiration behind the light speed spaceship - the longer I'm married, the more I want to be the first human who lives on Mars.

'Turn everything off...we've sprung a leak!'

Mono-Tasking, Multi-Tasking, No-No Tasking and Nada Tasking.

'Everyone does divorces, Mrs.Dawson.'

'We blow hot and cold. He argues it's too hot and I say it's too cold.'

Sadie, we need to see a couple's counselor. Yuck. No way! I won't spend a bunch of dough to have some halfwit tell me how to live my life! But I found an inexpensive counselor who will just listen to us talk through our issues. Counseling $10. This end up.

...In a Relationship

Bumper Cars of Love.

'I have rather a full schedule today. Could you summarize your grievances of the past 48 years?'

Cyber Fight