Nuptial Navigator Pillows

"Hello, Linda — long time, no see."

'Is it mine yet?'

'And now if you'd care to move over to the font...'

The wedding.

"No, it's not meant to mean the same as community service."

"Thanks but, 'you'll do' isn't a ringing endorsement of officiating your wedding."

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

This is forever... till death do us part...

'The dripping keeps me awake!'

'How many fingers do you see?'

"Why, Mr. Larsen! We were about ready to give up on you."

"OK, now what?"

'Keep pumping Mildred.'

"I'm just so relieved! I thought you didn't love me anymore, but now I realize I was just projecting!!"

'You can go home today, but we'd like to run a few more tests on your husband.'

Birthing Ball

"He says he loves me, but he still uses his first wife's birthday as his password."

'He's not so much a rough diamond, more a dumb block of carbon.'

Mono-Tasking, Multi-Tasking, No-No Tasking and Nada Tasking.

"There's got to be an easier way to lie around the house."

'Turn everything off...we've sprung a leak!'

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

My wife is the inspiration behind the light speed spaceship - the longer I'm married, the more I want to be the first human who lives on Mars.

'We blow hot and cold. He argues it's too hot and I say it's too cold.'

'Everyone does divorces, Mrs.Dawson.'

"I think this end is loaded."

Cyber Fight

'Last week I got a lovely watch for my wife!'

'Come now - surely we can draw up this pre-nuptial agreement amicably.'

We should talk...

...In a Relationship

'I have rather a full schedule today. Could you summarize your grievances of the past 48 years?'

"You have superior extra ocular muscle strength - how often do you roll your eyes at your husband?"