Newlywed Navigators Pillows

"Our wedding night was a disaster."

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"I don't know about you, but I'm ready to take this marriage full-throttle."

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

"I can't wait to introduce you to all the people I used to be friends with, before I started spending all my time with you."

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

This is forever... till death do us part...

'Take my advice kid. Enjoy yourself now, because once you get married, your free ranging days are over.'

"Isn't us talking about how I would never take a ballroom dancing class an activity we're doing together?"

'You should have seen the one that got away!'

'Have you two taken the COSMO 'compatibility test'?'

"Maybe I'm not the best choice to ask if your silly wife cartoons are funny!"

"OK, now what?"

'Keep pumping Mildred.'

Cheap amusement with... THE HAPPY COUPLE!

"Ok, I get it, you're happy and you know it. Now quit clapping."

...If sauce has not begun to thicken after 10 minutes, pour contents back into can and wait for your wife to get home.

Tunnel of love, then disillusionment, then mundane humdrum coexistence.

'You were right, Mum - he only wants me for one thing!'

'Well if you wanted a garden shed made out of wood or brick, then you should have married one of my brothers!'

"You can count on my unloading the dishwasher in any number of alternate timelines. Now whether it occurs in this one..."

"Does it say 'I'm ovulating'?"

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

My wife is the inspiration behind the light speed spaceship - the longer I'm married, the more I want to be the first human who lives on Mars.

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

"Marriage and relationships?...That would be under 'Arts and Science'!"

'Answer me one question, would you?' 'O.K.' 'Do you still love me?' 'That's two!'

"Look, hon, I know both of our schedules have been crazy, but I still think we should take time out to consummate our marriage."

'I like waking to music!'

"Now remember - ten paces, turn and fire..."

"Am i just a stepping-stone to a career in show business?"

Sadie, we need to see a couple's counselor. Yuck. No way! I won't spend a bunch of dough to have some halfwit tell me how to live my life! But I found an inexpensive counselor who will just listen to us talk through our issues. Counseling $10. This end up.

'Everyone does divorces, Mrs.Dawson.'