Nuptial Navigators Pillows

"You may now begin venting about each other's wedding-prep behavior."

'Yes! I can tell you why these two shouldn't be married. They stole those outfits from my formal wear store!'

This is forever... till death do us part...

'Have you two taken the COSMO 'compatibility test'?'

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

Marriage Broker: Get married now...pay later.

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

'You change him, and I'll change the tire.'

"I do. Have your people contact my people to hammer out the details."

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

"OK, now what?"

'Keep pumping Mildred.'

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

'I didn't get the Owners Manual. I thought you got the Owners Manual.'

My wife is the inspiration behind the light speed spaceship - the longer I'm married, the more I want to be the first human who lives on Mars.

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

'Last week I got a lovely watch for my wife!'

'We blow hot and cold. He argues it's too hot and I say it's too cold.'

'Everyone does divorces, Mrs.Dawson.'

Cyber Fight

'I have rather a full schedule today. Could you summarize your grievances of the past 48 years?'

Sadie, we need to see a couple's counselor. Yuck. No way! I won't spend a bunch of dough to have some halfwit tell me how to live my life! But I found an inexpensive counselor who will just listen to us talk through our issues. Counseling $10. This end up.

We should talk...

"You have superior extra ocular muscle strength - how often do you roll your eyes at your husband?"

"Honey, wake up! I just remembered something you did that annoyed the hell out of me!"

"This is one of those things you should share before marriage."

'Disappointed? You ask if I'm disappointed? Well, Arthur, after 38 years of patiently peeling away one onion layer after another, I'll admit I HAD hoped there was something more that a tough, green sprout-thingie at your core!'

'Inform him I dislike it when he uses the dog to communicate.'

'Jeremy, why can't we talk instead of you bottling things up all the time?'

'It's another special interest call senator - your wife!'

"Are you trying to tell me something, dearest?"

"I do too spark joy!"

'Our marriage is like a one-way street, and I'm behind him, honking my horn...'