Married Life Navigators T-Shirts

'Well, if I'm not drunk, I just wasted 50 quid!'

"I've forgotten, are we social distancing, or have we had an argument?"

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

Adam and Eve: Reconcilable Differences

This is forever... till death do us part...

Everyone agrees: Aunt Juanita needs a man.

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

"Honey, this is serious, we need to text."

"OK, now what?"

'Keep pumping Mildred.'

'Do you take this annoying woman to be your lawful wedded wife?'

"Why do I feel like your mother is going to blame this on my cleaning?"

'Don't be so sensitive,I only dozed of for a moment.'

"Of course I love you, I'm just busy with other men."

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

Baby At The Entrance Of The Maze Of Life

"Mommy is having another baby. Let me assure you that any paradigm shift will be incremental, core values remain family-centric, and Mommy is committed to assimilation and building synergy."

"Uh-oh. The so-called marriage penalty."

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

"Do you, Amanda and John, promise to watch yourselves, mind your Ps and Qs, and generally step on eggshells in this marriage, in order to somehow keep it up and running for as long as possible?"

"No, Phil, I'm not grateful that we finally have some time alone."

'I'm sorry but I need my own space.'

"Thanks for that."

My wife is the inspiration behind the light speed spaceship - the longer I'm married, the more I want to be the first human who lives on Mars.

Oh silly me, I'm trying to fix my glasses with nasal spray instead of super glue!

Mrs. Almighty.

"It's not all your fault, some of it is my mother's!"

'Does it bother you that I use wadded tissues as pillows?'

"Life’s become pretty easy lately. Perhaps it’s time we shake things up by adding a dependent."

'Everyone does divorces, Mrs.Dawson.'

'I have rather a full schedule today. Could you summarize your grievances of the past 48 years?'