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'Inform him I dislike it when he uses the dog to communicate.'

'Jeremy, why can't we talk instead of you bottling things up all the time?'

"Neil Simon, where are you?"

"When we have fun, we really have fun."

The search for common ground.

'The good news is that he won't be able to sit down for a week!'

'Not tonight, dear - we're married.'

"Are you trying to tell me something, dearest?"

"Marriage is proving to be one task too many, so I've asked Jenkins here to cover that for me."

In the Guru District

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

Couples' therapy

'Great Therapy!'

"She wanted to go to the beach. I wanted to golf."

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

"Of course I won't forget to tell you when quarantine's over!"

"There's something I have to tell you."

"Want to deal with some unresolved issues or just get another movie."

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

"When we first started seeing each other, we would always use the same word for snow."

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

This is forever... till death do us part...

"If I ever start turning into my father do me a favor and don't turn into my mother."

"Do we go out or do we stay home and open a can of worms?"

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."