Divorce Discussions Gifts

'Call me old-fashioned but I think the whole angry, bitter divorce thing should be between a man and a woman.'

'If my wife ever played a trick like that on me, she would be hearing from my mother, in a hurry!'

"What's that mark on your arm, Mama?"

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

Well, if being married isn't grounds for divorce, I'd like to know what is"

"And should you get divorced, promise you won't sue me."

'I think the problem is, Lydia, you're a man-hater and Robert, you're a woman-hater, and I can't stand either one of you.'

'Difficulty getting started in the morning, stalling, various leaks, gas fumes...at this point Mrs Johnson, I'd recommend getting a new husband!'

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

'Hey! - why bicker all evening when we could be watching a film about ideological genocide.'

'No, you can't turn your vegetables into bio-fuel.'

"I got my wife a book on decluttering and the first thing to go was me."

"So which bit do you think was 'nature' and which 'nurture'?"

Marriage & Divorce.

"I can try, but I've never had a marriage overturned on appeal."

"A new study shows half of all marriages end in divorce when one of the spouses bring their work home with them. Would you care to respond, honey?"

'I just don't understand... We hate the same movies, books, art, music, friends and relatives, and we agree that the world's a hopeless mess. With all that in common, why is our marriage falling apart?'

Lawyer, couple in bed - 'Natalie, remember my mother said we shouldn't go to sleep without settling things...'

"Well, Martha, I certainly hope your Scrabble victories keep you warm at night!"

'...I really wish you would of told me you wanted to be a ballerina before we got married.'

"We started to communicate and found out we had nothing in common!"

On the sea of matrimony many are over-bored.

Outside the Divorce Court.

'45 and never been divorced? What's wrong with him?'

'I'm you from thirty years in the future. I've come back to tell you not to do it!'

"Believe me, marriage counselling is the better option: with so many kids, you can't afford a divorce..."

'Are you sure you want to save your marriage?'

"Then one day he said, 'It's either me or the damned cat!'"

"I don't think we're going to be able to agree on a pizza topping that will solve all of our problems."

"Actually, living well on his money is the best revenge."

'How many are just staying together for the kids? OK, that's good, very good.'

"This has always been your answer to everything, hasn't it !"