Marriage Discussions Gifts

'When it comes to marriage, I'm a failure - but I'm very good at honeymoons!'

"Fred is worse than Attila the Hun, but I can live with that."

'The trouble with marriage is the unintended consequences.'

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

"When you look at me, Alice, what do you see?"

"You may be in love, but can you support my daughter on what a herring makes?"

Wanna talk about it?

"We'll be single again in Heaven, right?"

Cricketer goes for marriage guidance

'Marriage might suck the life out of our relationship.'

"Can I call you back, I'm engaged in crisis talks."

"Doc, she and I just don't understand each other any more...it's like we have different operating systems!"

'The only reason she keeps me is to rub out her bed wrinkles.'

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, Do you agree with Rudy Giuliani? He said the president doesn't love America, because he's always apologizing for it and finding fault with it. Thoughts? *Actual reader question. Sounds EXACTLY like love to me. My husband would disagree, but don't mind him, he's just a quarrelsome know-it-all. Ask Sadie at asksadie@rudypark.com.

"You're a lot easier to live with once your antlers fall off."

'I understand your reluctance to speak but your marriage is in a rut and your wife needs your input.'

'If she's that upset about the football match we're playing in this afternoon, what's she going to be like when she hears about the darts match this evening?'

'...I really wish you would of told me you wanted to be a ballerina before we got married.'

Lawyer, couple in bed - 'Natalie, remember my mother said we shouldn't go to sleep without settling things...'

'45 and never been divorced? What's wrong with him?'

"Of course being celibate, all my advice is second-hand via the internet..."

"Same thing every morning. Crack of Don at the crack of dawn."

As an experienced counsellor, she could see that their relationship had been doomed from the start.

"Susan!...are you trying to tell me we have an interface problem?"

"I don't think we're going to be able to agree on a pizza topping that will solve all of our problems."

Bachelors talking about fashionable life versus marriage

"This has always been your answer to everything, hasn't it !"

"Go on, pick a card - I'm trying to put some magic back into our marriage."

'I don't worry about Harold putting the cap back on the toothpaste. He never takes it off!'

We've been together for 12 years now. I think it's time we thought seriously about composting.'

'Oh, it's not Wally. The problem is ME. The truth is, I've never been comfortable in my own demographic!'

Another private moment in the off-stage lives of professional cartoon characters...

"You're nice, Melvin, but before I marry you, I need to see how you perform in a down market."