Marriage Topics Gifts

"When you look at me, Alice, what do you see?"

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

Wanna talk about it?

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'...Love, honor, cherish, and be careful what you wish for.'

An old man and women are driving along with a 'Still married' sign on their car.

'Well, the marriage guidance counsellor advised us to share each others interests, didn't she?'

"We'll be single again in Heaven, right?"

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

"Can I call you back, I'm engaged in crisis talks."

'We don't text anymore.'

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

"I'm used to him finishing my sentences, but now he starts them, too."

"Yes, ma'am, we do take reservations...and what's your husband's name?"

'The only reason she keeps me is to rub out her bed wrinkles.'

'The only thing we have in common is that we're in love with the same woman.'

"I'm afraid, we may have to keep your wife in for a few days."

"The law is a jealous mistress, something wives just have to understand."

"Doc, she and I just don't understand each other any more...it's like we have different operating systems!"

"Well yes, I've been away for a long time, but you knew I worked on a Pirate Ship when we got married..."

"You're a lot easier to live with once your antlers fall off."

'I understand your reluctance to speak but your marriage is in a rut and your wife needs your input.'

'We have separate bedrooms because I snore and because I can't stand the sight of her.'

'He kept winking at one of the bridesmaids.'

"The end of my wife's rope is near"

'Share your innermost feelings or the remote gets it.'

'If she's that upset about the football match we're playing in this afternoon, what's she going to be like when she hears about the darts match this evening?'

As an experienced counsellor, she could see that their relationship had been doomed from the start.