Marriage Topics Gifts

"When you look at me, Alice, what do you see?"

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

Wanna talk about it?

An old man and women are driving along with a 'Still married' sign on their car.

'Well, the marriage guidance counsellor advised us to share each others interests, didn't she?'

"We'll be single again in Heaven, right?"

'...Love, honor, cherish, and be careful what you wish for.'

'We don't text anymore.'

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

"Can I call you back, I'm engaged in crisis talks."

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

"I'm used to him finishing my sentences, but now he starts them, too."

"You're a lot easier to live with once your antlers fall off."

"Well yes, I've been away for a long time, but you knew I worked on a Pirate Ship when we got married..."

'The only reason she keeps me is to rub out her bed wrinkles.'

"Yes, ma'am, we do take reservations...and what's your husband's name?"

'The only thing we have in common is that we're in love with the same woman.'

'She says she's never had an affair with David Beckham and she expects me to believe that!'

"Doc, she and I just don't understand each other any more...it's like we have different operating systems!"

"I'm afraid, we may have to keep your wife in for a few days."

"I guess the honeymoon's over. My husband got me a gift card for a psychotherapist for our anniversary."

"The law is a jealous mistress, something wives just have to understand."

"You're keeping something from me, aren't you?"

'I understand your reluctance to speak but your marriage is in a rut and your wife needs your input.'

As an experienced counsellor, she could see that their relationship had been doomed from the start.

'Share your innermost feelings or the remote gets it.'

'He kept winking at one of the bridesmaids.'

"Well, Martha, I certainly hope your Scrabble victories keep you warm at night!"

'...I really wish you would of told me you wanted to be a ballerina before we got married.'