Premarital Discussion Gifts

"O.K., but if we get married, will you pretty much do everything?"

"What's that mark on your arm, Mama?"

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"I traded his corncob pipe and his button nose for a buttoned lip, and things couldn't be better."

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

"Keep my fingers crossed! Is that it?"

"Well, it's the same old story, we just don't squark anymore."

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

Cricketer goes for marriage guidance

'No, you can't turn your vegetables into bio-fuel.'

'You should have used contraceptives -- I'm afraid your lucky socks didn't work.'

"So which bit do you think was 'nature' and which 'nurture'?"

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, Do you agree with Rudy Giuliani? He said the president doesn't love America, because he's always apologizing for it and finding fault with it. Thoughts? *Actual reader question. Sounds EXACTLY like love to me. My husband would disagree, but don't mind him, he's just a quarrelsome know-it-all. Ask Sadie at asksadie@rudypark.com.

'We need to talk.'

Victoria's pre-marriage questionnaire continues...'You just lost points for so easily getting that Geeky 'Star Trek' reference.'

Mums at play group.

"What would I suggest for a woman who has everything...a prenup!"

'Marriage is a serious matter, Ed. I can't discuss it with you until you go home and change your clothes.'

'45 and never been divorced? What's wrong with him?'

"We constantly argue, go days without talking, and the sex is virtually non-existent."

'One thing I need clarified: if we marry in church, is there any point in a pre-nuptial agreement?'

"So you have a communication problem! Have you tried powerpoint?"

'...I really wish you would of told me you wanted to be a ballerina before we got married.'

"I don't think we're going to be able to agree on a pizza topping that will solve all of our problems."

"The only thing we seem to agree on lately is that we always disagree."

'It didn't work out. We had a pre-nuptial disagreement.'

"We should decide now whose career will suffer more once I give birth."

'You should have used contraceptives -- I'm afraid your lucky socks didn't work.'

"This has always been your answer to everything, hasn't it !"

"I'm not sure about children, but I've always wanted progeny."

'Oh, it's not Wally. The problem is ME. The truth is, I've never been comfortable in my own demographic!'

It's time again for my 'State-of-the-family' address.

"I won't have kids until gay men are able to give birth in every state."

Ok, it is a 'Man's World,' but I can't always excuse myself to go powder my nose!