Premarital Discussion Gifts

"O.K., but if we get married, will you pretty much do everything?"

"What's that mark on your arm, Mama?"

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

"Keep my fingers crossed! Is that it?"

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

"Well, it's the same old story, we just don't squark anymore."

Cricketer goes for marriage guidance

'No, you can't turn your vegetables into bio-fuel.'

'You should have used contraceptives -- I'm afraid your lucky socks didn't work.'

"So which bit do you think was 'nature' and which 'nurture'?"

'We need to talk.'

Mums at play group.

"What would I suggest for a woman who has everything...a prenup!"

'Marriage is a serious matter, Ed. I can't discuss it with you until you go home and change your clothes.'

'45 and never been divorced? What's wrong with him?'

'...I really wish you would of told me you wanted to be a ballerina before we got married.'

"We constantly argue, go days without talking, and the sex is virtually non-existent."

'One thing I need clarified: if we marry in church, is there any point in a pre-nuptial agreement?'

"So you have a communication problem! Have you tried powerpoint?"

"I don't think we're going to be able to agree on a pizza topping that will solve all of our problems."

"The only thing we seem to agree on lately is that we always disagree."

"This has always been your answer to everything, hasn't it !"

'You should have used contraceptives -- I'm afraid your lucky socks didn't work.'

'It didn't work out. We had a pre-nuptial disagreement.'

"We should decide now whose career will suffer more once I give birth."

'Oh, it's not Wally. The problem is ME. The truth is, I've never been comfortable in my own demographic!'

"I'm not sure about children, but I've always wanted progeny."

"Yes, even with all the progress they're making in geriatrics, marriage is still 'til death do you part."

"I won't have kids until gay men are able to give birth in every state."

It's time again for my 'State-of-the-family' address.

Ok, it is a 'Man's World,' but I can't always excuse myself to go powder my nose!