Relationship Discussion Gifts

"To you it was fast."

"Is there a maybe swipe?"

"So, have you given any more thought to this 'ethical non-monogamy' thing?"

'I married him on the rebound, and now his CHECKS are bouncing!'

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

'And another thing - I'm not your side order!'

John believes women live in a universe parallel to that of men.

'After I got him to give up wine and song, he gave up on me.'

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

"The university said he was a climate change denier so remove the statue."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

5pm Happy Hour. 6pm discussion: what is true happiness?

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

"Darling, I think we need to talk about where this relationship is going..." Male evolution.

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"That was totally....what's the word I'm looking for?"

"My wife complains that I'm cold and self-serving."

"Do you think the flat earth society has members round the globe?"

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

"The whole time we were dating, he kept saying, 'You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!"

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

"Do you want to suddenly decide we need a waffle maker?"

"No es problema para mi si no es problema para ti."

The Map of the Human Heart

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

'Charles, you're carrying this 'king of the castle' business too far!'

"Why can't you just learn to floss like other men?"

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

"Do we go out or do we stay home and open a can of worms?"

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"Discussion topic: Is our society becoming less civil and more violent?"

"Why won't you cuddle?"