Divorce Chatter Gifts

"Actually, living well on his money is the best revenge."

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

"We missed you at church Sunday."

'On the other hand, you must never, ever work in mysterious ways.'

"I could have been a big celebrity but for my fear of public speaking."

'Your therapy helped me leave Frank. Franks wants to thank you personally.'

"Bob, you've been warned before. You can't come to prayer just to gather gossip material."

"I don't see why divine intervention and government intervention have to be mutually exclusive."

'I really can't think of a blessed thing to preach about this morning, so I'll entertain questions from the floor.'

Hot Line

Marriage & Divorce.

"I can try, but I've never had a marriage overturned on appeal."

"I hear Presbyterian is the new Methodist."

'From the Mouth of Arthur Baskin.'

"I'm a pastor. My job is to speak 20 minutes on Sunday and listen the rest of the week."

"You are sooooo 'grazed!'"

"Hold on there buddy, that's not a KJV Bible." (two men talking, one with a Bible)

'Put the kettle on, Doreen.'

'Sorry - I've got strong views on Sunday Trading!'

"Yes, Doreen, I think I am capable of unconditional love."

"Can you believe English isn't the official language here?"

Desert Island Gossipping

'I got custody of the kids.'

'Gee, you'd think all that tithing would count for something.'

'I'm a little worried about the dedication to His Satanic Majesty, Bishop.'

'You won't be able to afford a top lawyer like me for very long. But, maybe just long enough to give your wife one heck of a scare.'

"Oh, that's just the first draft of some divorce papers I was messing around with."

'You'll love the congregation. We're chock-full of sermon material.'

Phone Dating: Man imagines a gorgeous girl while woman thinks of a handsome man.

"In order to separate, one of us has to move out."

REPENT, 'Hey! -- Go find your own corner!'

'I agree, Hadley, we've seen very little of each other but that's what I intended when I divorced you.'

"So ... is the Pope Catholic?"