Divorce Chatter Gifts

"Actually, living well on his money is the best revenge."

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

"We missed you at church Sunday."

'On the other hand, you must never, ever work in mysterious ways.'

"I could have been a big celebrity but for my fear of public speaking."

'Your therapy helped me leave Frank. Franks wants to thank you personally.'

"I don't see why divine intervention and government intervention have to be mutually exclusive."

"Bob, you've been warned before. You can't come to prayer just to gather gossip material."

'I really can't think of a blessed thing to preach about this morning, so I'll entertain questions from the floor.'

Hot Line

'From the Mouth of Arthur Baskin.'

"I hear Presbyterian is the new Methodist."

Marriage & Divorce.

"I can try, but I've never had a marriage overturned on appeal."

"I'm a pastor. My job is to speak 20 minutes on Sunday and listen the rest of the week."

"You are sooooo 'grazed!'"

"Hold on there buddy, that's not a KJV Bible." (two men talking, one with a Bible)

'Put the kettle on, Doreen.'

'Sorry - I've got strong views on Sunday Trading!'

"Yes, Doreen, I think I am capable of unconditional love."

"Can you believe English isn't the official language here?"

Desert Island Gossipping

'Gee, you'd think all that tithing would count for something.'

"Oh, that's just the first draft of some divorce papers I was messing around with."

'I'm a little worried about the dedication to His Satanic Majesty, Bishop.'

'I got custody of the kids.'

'You won't be able to afford a top lawyer like me for very long. But, maybe just long enough to give your wife one heck of a scare.'

Phone Dating: Man imagines a gorgeous girl while woman thinks of a handsome man.

'You'll love the congregation. We're chock-full of sermon material.'

"In order to separate, one of us has to move out."

"So ... is the Pope Catholic?"

"Who called who never calls" "What's in the freezer? It's half a loaf of rye bread" "Fun quiz! When are you getting married? Page 12." "Top ten pieces of furniture to wrap in plastic"

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