Divorce Diarist Gifts

'I got the house... she got the wheels.'

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

Professional woman in pub

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

'I'm sorry Martha, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'Your therapy helped me leave Frank. Franks wants to thank you personally.'

Generation Ex.

Samuel Pepys' writer's block

"So halfway through the divorce proceedings, I find out Henry is a warlock."

'Crabs, sharks, octopi...'

'I've been happily married for 15 years... that covers 3 marriages.'

"Of course, your case against him would be a lot stronger if you had made him sign a pre-peccadillo agreement."

Marriage & Divorce.

"I can try, but I've never had a marriage overturned on appeal."

"An 'Irish divorce' doesn't have quite the same ring to it as a 'Mexican divorce'."

We all have our little problems, Alansky. Unfortunately, you're one of those who gets fired for them.

'Dear Diary, well, you never know. Today I led the stampede. Imagine my surprise when I found myself out there in front, all alone. Dreams to still come true...sometimes.'

'I'm sorry, but according to this there's nothing I can do. It appears your species mates for life.'

Anais Nin.

"I liked you better as my first husband."

'I didn't get the settlement I was hoping for...turns out I'd already spent most of his money while we were married.'

'We've agreed to divide your community property 50-50...50% for your wife and 50% for her attorney.'

"Actually, living well on his money is the best revenge."

"Didn't you find it attractive that he was a "Free Range Chicken'?"

"Oh, that's just the first draft of some divorce papers I was messing around with."

'I got custody of the kids.'

"At what point did you realize your ex-husband was behind on his child support?"

"He left me. I doubt it was for another woman, though. He asked me for a letter of recommendation."

'You won't be able to afford a top lawyer like me for very long. But, maybe just long enough to give your wife one heck of a scare.'

"Why, Ed Phillips! I haven't seen you since our divorce!"

'Some day, son, all of this will be your ex-wife's.'

'You get all the money and both cars? How is THAT fair?'

"In order to separate, one of us has to move out."

"Three. How many times you been married?"