Divorce Diarist Gifts

'I got the house... she got the wheels.'

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

Professional woman in pub

'I'm sorry Martha, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'Your therapy helped me leave Frank. Franks wants to thank you personally.'

"So halfway through the divorce proceedings, I find out Henry is a warlock."

Generation Ex.

Samuel Pepys' writer's block

'I've been happily married for 15 years... that covers 3 marriages.'

'Crabs, sharks, octopi...'

Marriage & Divorce.

"I can try, but I've never had a marriage overturned on appeal."

"Of course, your case against him would be a lot stronger if you had made him sign a pre-peccadillo agreement."

Anais Nin.

"I liked you better as my first husband."

We all have our little problems, Alansky. Unfortunately, you're one of those who gets fired for them.

'Dear Diary, well, you never know. Today I led the stampede. Imagine my surprise when I found myself out there in front, all alone. Dreams to still come true...sometimes.'

"An 'Irish divorce' doesn't have quite the same ring to it as a 'Mexican divorce'."

'I'm sorry, but according to this there's nothing I can do. It appears your species mates for life.'

'I didn't get the settlement I was hoping for...turns out I'd already spent most of his money while we were married.'

'We've agreed to divide your community property 50-50...50% for your wife and 50% for her attorney.'

"Actually, living well on his money is the best revenge."

"Didn't you find it attractive that he was a "Free Range Chicken'?"

"He left me. I doubt it was for another woman, though. He asked me for a letter of recommendation."

"Oh, that's just the first draft of some divorce papers I was messing around with."

'You won't be able to afford a top lawyer like me for very long. But, maybe just long enough to give your wife one heck of a scare.'

'I got custody of the kids.'

"Why, Ed Phillips! I haven't seen you since our divorce!"

"At what point did you realize your ex-husband was behind on his child support?"

'Some day, son, all of this will be your ex-wife's.'

'You get all the money and both cars? How is THAT fair?'

"In order to separate, one of us has to move out."

"Three. How many times you been married?"