Divorce Detective Gifts

Generation Ex.

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

$1: Family Secrets

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

'According to your pre-nuptial agreement. If you divorce her, you'll turn back into a frog.'

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

'Of course I hired Andrew. He's the best divorce lawyer around! Unfortunately, he's also the rat I want to get divorced from...'

"After six marriages I learnt my lesson and married my divorce lawyer."

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

'I need someone who is willing to make a commitment not someone who's just interested in ruffling my feathers.'

Luke Skywalker- Matrimonial Law

"Phil, honey, do you ever think about taking our relationship to the next level?"

Joint Ventures!

A rare picture of Henry VIII's divorce lawyer.

'You've got Mr & Mrs Smith at 2.00, Mr & Mrs Jones at 2.30, and at 3.00 your wife has made an appointment with a Divorce Lawyer!'

'A mother complex! Are you sure?'

"We'll make your wedding reception perfect, and don't forget you get a money-saving coupon for any future divorce parties."

'I'm sorry Martha, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

"That's no death grimace, Perkins. I think what we're seeing is a 2.8 million-year-old tight smile of spousal event obligation!"

"I'll bet there's a story there."

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

"I have been happily married... three times!"

Those missing socks...where do they go?

"Love is grand... divorce is a hundred grand."

"If someone winks a you forty or fifty times, are they coming on to you?"

'Perhaps we should leave details of the divorce settlement until after we are married.'

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

"When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the marital bonds which have connected her with another..."

Darlene, my intelligence tells me that your fiance is a slob. What intelligence, Rudy? Surveillance photos – dirty clothes and towels thrown on the floor. Dishes piled up in the sink. That's my Mel? How did you get those? Top-flight government spy methods. House of Java.net Cybercafe.

It went even worse than I expected - She got custody of the kids and me.

'Busting balls since 1983.'