Divorce Detectives Gifts

'I'm sorry Martha, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

$1: Family Secrets

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

"Phil, honey, do you ever think about taking our relationship to the next level?"

Luke Skywalker- Matrimonial Law

'I need someone who is willing to make a commitment not someone who's just interested in ruffling my feathers.'

Joint Ventures!

"I'll bet there's a story there."

'A mother complex! Are you sure?'

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

"That's no death grimace, Perkins. I think what we're seeing is a 2.8 million-year-old tight smile of spousal event obligation!"

Those missing socks...where do they go?

"If someone winks a you forty or fifty times, are they coming on to you?"

'Perhaps we should leave details of the divorce settlement until after we are married.'

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

It went even worse than I expected - She got custody of the kids and me.

"Love is grand... divorce is a hundred grand."

'Busting balls since 1983.'

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

"He snores from October to May!"

Generation Ex.

Darlene, my intelligence tells me that your fiance is a slob. What intelligence, Rudy? Surveillance photos – dirty clothes and towels thrown on the floor. Dishes piled up in the sink. That's my Mel? How did you get those? Top-flight government spy methods. House of Java.net Cybercafe.

'Dear editor, today I saw the first cuckold of spring...' (Divorce Lawyer).

'The divorce was ugly, but not as ugly as the marriage.'

"I want someone whose inner pain is totally hot."

"I submit to the committee the document of your unfinished screenplay, is it your testimony today that you told your wife it would be finished by now?"

"For once I'd like to go on a date where she made eye contact instead of iPhone contact."

"Now we'll see what my husband has to say about this!"

'And will you take this man to the cleaners....'

She's disappointed. Doctor Frankenstein's online dating profile simply says that he's a "body-builder."

'I thought Lobsters mate for life.'

"Quite frankly, I've had a gut-full of all his Shakespearean drama!"

"You know something doc, he weirdly kind of resembles you."