Divorce Detectives Gifts

'I'm sorry Martha, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

$1: Family Secrets

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

"Phil, honey, do you ever think about taking our relationship to the next level?"

'I need someone who is willing to make a commitment not someone who's just interested in ruffling my feathers.'

Joint Ventures!

'A mother complex! Are you sure?'

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

"I'll bet there's a story there."

"That's no death grimace, Perkins. I think what we're seeing is a 2.8 million-year-old tight smile of spousal event obligation!"

Those missing socks...where do they go?

"Love is grand... divorce is a hundred grand."

"If someone winks a you forty or fifty times, are they coming on to you?"

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

Generation Ex.

"He snores from October to May!"

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

'Busting balls since 1983.'

'Perhaps we should leave details of the divorce settlement until after we are married.'

'Dear editor, today I saw the first cuckold of spring...' (Divorce Lawyer).

'The divorce was ugly, but not as ugly as the marriage.'

'I thought Lobsters mate for life.'

"I want someone whose inner pain is totally hot."

'Hell hath no furry like the lawyer of a woman scorned.'

'And will you take this man to the cleaners....'

"Now we'll see what my husband has to say about this!"

'She got the house, she got the car, she got the....'

"You know something doc, he weirdly kind of resembles you."

"I submit to the committee the document of your unfinished screenplay, is it your testimony today that you told your wife it would be finished by now?"

"Quite frankly, I've had a gut-full of all his Shakespearean drama!"