Married Life Detective Gifts

"Hmph! Your uploaded photos tell a different story."

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

Adam and Eve: Reconcilable Differences

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

'I need someone who is willing to make a commitment not someone who's just interested in ruffling my feathers.'

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

'I'm sorry Martha, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

'Don't be so sensitive,I only dozed of for a moment.'

"That's no death grimace, Perkins. I think what we're seeing is a 2.8 million-year-old tight smile of spousal event obligation!"

'A mother complex! Are you sure?'

"I need a more interactive you."

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"It's not what you think."

"Uh-Oh, gotta go lads. . . I smell blood!"

"If someone winks a you forty or fifty times, are they coming on to you?"

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

Generation Ex.

"There's a rumour going around my head that you don't love me."

Mrs. Almighty.

'Does it bother you that I use wadded tissues as pillows?'

"I want someone whose inner pain is totally hot."

'Last week I got a lovely watch for my wife!'

"Now we'll see what my husband has to say about this!"

"Honey, I'm home."

Cyber Fight

"Don't you think after thirty years of marriage you could stop referring to me as 'the military'?"

"We're compatible in every way. That's my concern; we have nothing to argue about."

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

"I can tell when you're just kissing me to get some of my lip balm, Josh."