Marriage Detective Gifts

"Why did you just blink?"

I love my wife and hate my girlfriend!

"I found a homing device in my wedding ring!"

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

'I need someone who is willing to make a commitment not someone who's just interested in ruffling my feathers.'

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

'I'm sorry Martha, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

"That's no death grimace, Perkins. I think what we're seeing is a 2.8 million-year-old tight smile of spousal event obligation!"

'If you're using this for research into your next book then you can sleep in the spare room!'

"Uh-oh. The so-called marriage penalty."

"There's a rumour going around my head that you don't love me."

"If someone winks a you forty or fifty times, are they coming on to you?"

"Is there anyone else in your life I should know about?"

'Roger, I think we need to talk about your trouble with intimacy.'

"It's not what you think."

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

Generation Ex.

"Now we'll see what my husband has to say about this!"

She's disappointed. Doctor Frankenstein's online dating profile simply says that he's a "body-builder."

"We're compatible in every way. That's my concern; we have nothing to argue about."

"If I could choose any age I'd be forty-two again. You were hot when I was forty-two."

"For once I'd like to go on a date where she made eye contact instead of iPhone contact."

"I want someone whose inner pain is totally hot."

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

'You want to understand women?...I granted you a wish, not a miracle!'

"I can tell when you're just kissing me to get some of my lip balm, Josh."

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

Trick questions...

Cheapskate b*****d told me he'd laid on a box for me to watch the races.

Avoid boys who spend more on hair products than you do!

'How will I know when I've found my soul mate, Fang?'