Marital Detective Gifts

"It doesn't look good. They asked for separate checks."

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

$1: Family Secrets

Newlyweds. . . 10 Years Married. . . 25 Years Married. . . 50+ Years Married.

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

'I need someone who is willing to make a commitment not someone who's just interested in ruffling my feathers.'

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

'If you're using this for research into your next book then you can sleep in the spare room!'

'I'm sorry Martha, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

"That's no death grimace, Perkins. I think what we're seeing is a 2.8 million-year-old tight smile of spousal event obligation!"

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

Those missing socks...where do they go?

Generation Ex.

"If someone winks a you forty or fifty times, are they coming on to you?"

"There's a rumour going around my head that you don't love me."

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

"It's not what you think."

"Now we'll see what my husband has to say about this!"

"We're compatible in every way. That's my concern; we have nothing to argue about."

"You know something doc, he weirdly kind of resembles you."

"I want someone whose inner pain is totally hot."

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

"I can tell when you're just kissing me to get some of my lip balm, Josh."

'You want to understand women?...I granted you a wish, not a miracle!'

'Girls! I won't understand them if I live to be six.'

'I don't know what they see in her. . . I think I'll take a closer look.'