Amateur Detective Of Relationships Gifts

'If you're using this for research into your next book then you can sleep in the spare room!'

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

"You don't whisper anymore."

Goldilocks and the three boyfriends.

"That's no death grimace, Perkins. I think what we're seeing is a 2.8 million-year-old tight smile of spousal event obligation!"

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

"This is never going to work—you're a tree!"

Optician and the PI.

"That's not the stick, it's a blood-stained satchel full of money... but hey, good boy!"

'I've written a poem describing my feelings on discovering the body, Inspector...'

'I'm going to ask you one more time; who left a hot mug on this table?'

"I'm getting dangerously close to figuring out what I did last night."

'You disgust me; but I like it.'

"Now we'll see what my husband has to say about this!"

'The only thing we have in common is that we're in love with the same woman.'

'Nice try buddy, but we know the score. You were involved, but you only played a small part. What we want to know is who orchestrated this thing.'

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

Ed's super-romantic but he's always a police detective. He calls our love 'consensual identity theft.'

"Sorry about the disguise.But we've had to reduce our budget for the 'witness protection programme'."

"My orgasm was fake."

"Hola! Tia Carmen's psychic hotline! Can I tell you where your lousy cheating boyfriend is right now?"

As an experienced counsellor, she could see that their relationship had been doomed from the start.

'We had the perfect marriage until we took the magazine quiz.'

Old lady spying on the neighbours using a webcam.

'She must be the girl for you, son, look how much your mother dislikes her.'

When policewomen date.

Tree Crime Scene

"No one else, huh! So who the hell is sending you a pigeon at four in the morning?!"

'What makes you think she's been laying around?'

'It looks fishy to me.'

Father Christmas' skeleton discovered by Chimney Sweep