Amateur Detective Of Relationships Pillows

'If you're using this for research into your next book then you can sleep in the spare room!'

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

"You don't whisper anymore."

My wife's been talking to the skin I shed for over an hour.

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

"This is never going to work—you're a tree!"

"That's no death grimace, Perkins. I think what we're seeing is a 2.8 million-year-old tight smile of spousal event obligation!"

Goldilocks and the three boyfriends.

'I've written a poem describing my feelings on discovering the body, Inspector...'

Optician and the PI.

'I'm going to ask you one more time; who left a hot mug on this table?'

"That's not the stick, it's a blood-stained satchel full of money... but hey, good boy!"

'You disgust me; but I like it.'

"I'm getting dangerously close to figuring out what I did last night."

"Now we'll see what my husband has to say about this!"

'The only thing we have in common is that we're in love with the same woman.'

'Nice try buddy, but we know the score. You were involved, but you only played a small part. What we want to know is who orchestrated this thing.'

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

"Hola! Tia Carmen's psychic hotline! Can I tell you where your lousy cheating boyfriend is right now?"

"My orgasm was fake."

"Hmm....who's this tall drink of water?"

As an experienced counsellor, she could see that their relationship had been doomed from the start.

Ed's super-romantic but he's always a police detective. He calls our love 'consensual identity theft.'

'We had the perfect marriage until we took the magazine quiz.'

"I investigated your husband, Mrs Adams. He isn't cheating on you. In fact, I'm your husband. We've just really lost touch recently."

"Sorry about the disguise.But we've had to reduce our budget for the 'witness protection programme'."

Gloria knows where you've been tonight, Lance. Apparently, that sandwich she made you for lunch contained salami, cheese, lettuce, tomato and a GPS tracker. !! !!

'She must be the girl for you, son, look how much your mother dislikes her.'

Old lady spying on the neighbours using a webcam.

'What makes you think she's been laying around?'

Father Christmas' skeleton discovered by Chimney Sweep

Tree Crime Scene

'It looks fishy to me.'

When policewomen date.