Realistic Relationship Amateur Pillows

"Perhaps you're to blame for having unrealistic expectations."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"You owe me five bucks."

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

"...until death do you a favor."

Paint pots in love

"I don't know about you, but I'm ready to take this marriage full-throttle."

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

Sexual chemistry set

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

"We don't talk anymore."

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

"The Gross National Product and the Gross Domestic Product are doing okay. It's the Gross Domestic Mojo that's going down the toilet."

(Man with 'BEFORE sign): 'My wife says I'm a work-in-progress.'

Urns in love

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

"Very Presidential."

"What happened to the thin crust guy I married?"

A cartoonist at the doctor, in yoga, at home and in therapy

Girl who can't cook meets guy who can't fix stuff.

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

"Greta, look! The first dysfunctional family of winter!"