Relationship Realists Pillows

'I'm looking for a card that says if I didn't get you this, I'd never hear the end of it.'

"...so enough about me. You're dead, aren't you?"

"I had no idea a sexless marriage would involve so much reading."

Love is being close, no matter what...

'When I first met my hubby I knew that he was full of promise. . . false promise!'

"Your honour, my client will agree to the divorce provided she can continue living happily with his money."

'Yes, I wanted a knight in shining armour, but I didn't know it'd be me doing all the shining!'

"I'm leaving you,Jerry-I need more from a man than just scintillating conversation."

Wife is reading a book intitled 'Meals in 5 minutes', husband is reading a book about 'Divorce in 5 days'.

Girl who can't cook meets guy who can't fix stuff.

"Of course I mind—they're mine, and I want all of them."

"Trust me, David, he meant nothing - it was just a training marriage."

"Sometimes I close my eyes and pretend that someone else is denying me sex."

Slow Boat to China.

"Our marriage was very bitter so our divorce was amiable."

'Can I see some ID?' - 'I'm your husband you dope.'

"Very Presidential."

'Remember saying your husband would never be unfaithful?'

She realized with horror that she had settled for Les.

'The poor thing -- her therapist recommended divorce, and she isn't even married.'

'We want to start divorce proceedings...'

"I agree, we should see other people - do you know someone who would see me?"

'Guess what Stella brought over today? Did you even know half the fruit with you in that bowl?'

'I hate you already... let's get married.'

'It's classic 'bait-and-switch.' They don't tell you that marriage is a step-deal.'

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

"Uh-uh! No way! Don't even think about it!"

'Look at the bright side, honey: At least it was not with your best friend!'

'So John, can I have the hand of your daughter in marriage for a few years?'

'Well, the marriage guidance counsellor advised us to share each others interests, didn't she?'

"I've tried everything. I even gave him a new coat of paint but it was no use... Gary is still rickety and ugly."

"Let me get this straight - You're divorcing him because of a fortune cookie message?"

'When we first met you used to take the cigarette out when you kissed me!'

"So what did you do before you were married?"

"I'm saving my abstinence for marriage."