Relationship Realist Pillows

"I'm sorry, dear. I wasn't listening. Could you repeat what you've said since we've been married?"

"Will you call me?"

Thoughts

"Do you have room in your bag for this?"

"Don't think of it as divorce, Henry. Think of it as freedom...the next time you cheat on me with your secretary, it won't be cheating anymore."

"Looks like someone got lucky."

'I can change him!'

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

Why can't you raise your self-esteem so then you can raise mine?

'Happy Valentine's Day! Your gift this year is me!'

'We're only staying together for the kids we hope to have one day.'

"Honey, wake up! I just remembered something you did that annoyed the hell out of me!"

"The truth is, I don't even know who you are anymore. Let's see some ID."

"And may all your chakras be blocked!"

"Let's face it - our relationship is doomed."

'I reject the terms of the contract!'

"I don't think we're going to be able to agree on a pizza topping that will solve all of our problems."

'Was I snoring again?'

'And if my marriage counseling doesn't help, you'll be please to learn I'm also a divorce attorney!'

Putting it Mildly...

'We talk, we dialog, we speak one to the other, but we don't communicate.'

"It's a fitting name. I walk you through the prenup agreement and counsel you through the divorce."

'There, Mr Optimist. Now how full is it?'

"And your wife called to remind you not to have sex with anyone on your way home."

The Endless Tunnel of Love

"Can we role-play a couple who are too tired to have sex?"

'I want to take out an anti-social behaviour order.'

Tunnel of Love exit.

"Will your client marry my client?"

'Don't think of it as a divorce. Think of is as a spinoff.'

'After living together for ten years, we now realize that the only thing we have in common, is common law.'

"Pre-nups are healthy for a relationship. It's good for our lawyers to get to know one another."

"True, you have irreconcilable differences, but they're mainly about flossing."

"Hey! How about giving me some benchmarks?"

"Do you think we can forgo the chess clock tonight?"