Relationship Realist T-Shirts

"I'm sorry, dear. I wasn't listening. Could you repeat what you've said since we've been married?"

"Will you call me?"

Thoughts

"Do you have room in your bag for this?"

"Don't think of it as divorce, Henry. Think of it as freedom...the next time you cheat on me with your secretary, it won't be cheating anymore."

"Looks like someone got lucky."

'I can change him!'

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

Why can't you raise your self-esteem so then you can raise mine?

'Happy Valentine's Day! Your gift this year is me!'

'We're only staying together for the kids we hope to have one day.'

"Honey, wake up! I just remembered something you did that annoyed the hell out of me!"

"The truth is, I don't even know who you are anymore. Let's see some ID."

'Think Brian, exactly how many Viagra tablets did you take'

"Let's face it - our relationship is doomed."

"And may all your chakras be blocked!"

'Why am I not surprised?'

"I don't think we're going to be able to agree on a pizza topping that will solve all of our problems."

'I reject the terms of the contract!'

'Was I snoring again?'

Putting it Mildly...

'We talk, we dialog, we speak one to the other, but we don't communicate.'

'And if my marriage counseling doesn't help, you'll be please to learn I'm also a divorce attorney!'

"It's a fitting name. I walk you through the prenup agreement and counsel you through the divorce."

"And your wife called to remind you not to have sex with anyone on your way home."

"Can we role-play a couple who are too tired to have sex?"

'I want to take out an anti-social behaviour order.'

The Endless Tunnel of Love

Tunnel of Love exit.

'There, Mr Optimist. Now how full is it?'

"True, you have irreconcilable differences, but they're mainly about flossing."

"Hey! How about giving me some benchmarks?"

"Will your client marry my client?"

'I just realized something dear, every single thing you do drives me absolutely insane... oh well, probably too late to do anything about it now. Well, nighty night.'

Modern relationships on mailboxes.