Relationship Realism Lover Pillows

"My feet are cold. Be a dear and warm them!"

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"You owe me five bucks."

"...until death do you a favor."

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

"I don't know about you, but I'm ready to take this marriage full-throttle."

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

Paint pots in love

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

Reading the sports pages.

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

"What happened to the thin crust guy I married?"

Bee to othe: 'You knew I was a workaholic when we first met.'

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

A cartoonist at the doctor, in yoga, at home and in therapy

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

Urns in love

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

"Very Presidential."

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

(Man with 'BEFORE sign): 'My wife says I'm a work-in-progress.'

"The Gross National Product and the Gross Domestic Product are doing okay. It's the Gross Domestic Mojo that's going down the toilet."