Relationship Realism Lover Gifts

"My feet are cold. Be a dear and warm them!"

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"You owe me five bucks."

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"...until death do you a favor."

Paint pots in love

"I don't know about you, but I'm ready to take this marriage full-throttle."

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

Reading the sports pages.

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"Very Presidential."

"What happened to the thin crust guy I married?"

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

"The Gross National Product and the Gross Domestic Product are doing okay. It's the Gross Domestic Mojo that's going down the toilet."

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

Bee to othe: 'You knew I was a workaholic when we first met.'

(Man with 'BEFORE sign): 'My wife says I'm a work-in-progress.'

Urns in love

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

A cartoonist at the doctor, in yoga, at home and in therapy

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.