Relationships Realist Gifts

'We're reconciled-thanks to the Lottery rollover!'

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

"You owe me five bucks."

"We'll always have Paris..."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

'All I want for Valentine's Day is a Greek fisherman's cap.'

"Darling, I think we need to talk about where this relationship is going..." Male evolution.

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

Tunnel of Love/Tunnel of Marriage

"...until death do you a favor."

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

"You're calling it love, but it's really just static electricity."

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

Marriage least expected to last...

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."